Now what?

Remember that post ending scene in Finding Nemo?

The scene where all the fish succeeded in getting themself back to the sea, but still trapped inside the plastic bag, and one of the fish said: "Now What?". Hilarious scene. Yet, at the same time, also sad.

Well, I can proudly say that line too:

"NOW WHAT?"

After all of those years being involved with you, your issues, mine, you as one of those issues of mine, and me as the problematic girl with the problematic you... (Hey, it's issues-ception!)

Ok, stop it Dee.

Well yeah, after all of those years back and forth with you, I'm literally saying the "Now What" line over and over again in my head lately. I felt like I had no purpose in life now. No motivation, Nothing to expect. Because finally it is over. It's really over. Like overly over. What do I do with my life now?

I hate you. I did. No, I do. I still do. If you put yourself on my shoes, I guess you would have done the same thing. If you were me, would you still smiling brightly as if a rainbow surrounds you while birds are singing and chirping happily? I can't.

But I guess you didn't care about me. You're busy with your life. Looking happy and full of smiles (well, that's what I saw on your social media posts, at least before you blocked me. Why did you blocked me anyway? I still don't get it :D). The smile of yours that I still can't forget until now. The bright smiling face that used to be the I-can't-wait-for-my-weekend-to-come-so-I-can-see-it-once-again-smile :).

Well good for you, if you're happy and living your life well. At least that what I asked you to do back then, right? Be happy and live your life well? :)

But in contrary, I can't.

I still can't.

And,

now what?


2017-10-21 14:32
At the corner of a coffee shop.